in the mouth of the lion10 Sep 2021
Lately, I’ve been experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions as I follow up with my decision to run for city counselor as an independant candidate. I’m so glad that I have found a buddhist mantra to hold unto while I was listening to the Green Dreamer podcast :
Illumination doesn’t happen in a cave, it happens in the mouth of a lion.
I wouldn’t say I feel near illumination whatsoever, but I do feel like I am in the mouth of a lion right now. I need to actively find ways to keep going and not let myself spiral in anxiety, self-doubts and scarcity mindset. My old drinking habits are also coming into play with these mental health struggles. But what I found helps me the most to go through the days is my spiritual practice and also, the already mentionned Green Dreamer’s podcast.
There has been a few very memorable episodes that made me felt like I should put them down somewhere, write something about it, well, to digital garden with. So here I am back to do just that and I took the opportunity to also revisit old posts of mine and my piece Witchcraft Is Social Change made a very good effect on me. I forgot I wrote that honestly. In the same line of thought, I received a mail yesterday from Etsy, telling that somebody put my product in their cart. Product from an Etsy shop I had somewhat forgotten about too. It was my anticapitalist tarot business I tried to set up after taking The Sovereign Witch class by Anna Joy. So it feels the universe wants me to think and reflect on spirituality again.
Also I want to mention, that in some magical divine timing, I found a wonderful job in my neighborhood in urban agriculture this summer that was so very much fullfilling. I liked the proximity with nature, it healed something in me (still healing now). I wouldn’t say it turned me into a ‘‘green witch’’ or anything, but it gave me a new direction for the future (I want to keep working in that field) and it feels very comfortable.
But yes, the episodes that marked me the most so far were :
- Karen Piper : Rethinking colonial water architecture in the face of ‘scarcity’
- Alnoor Ladha : Sacred activism and contextualised spirituality
- Dr. Alexis Shotwell : Purity politics in compromised times
Unfortunately, I do not feel like summarize them and truly make them echoed each others at the moment. I am more in the mood to expand on what they made me realize, that is that what moves me the most is collective work and that no matter how much I’m trying to be ‘‘serious and rational’’ I can’t help but be highly attracted by the spiritual/esoteric.
On the collective work side, my job actually helped me understand this sensibility of mine. I felt so invested in our collective garden and the other sites where we would garden for food sovereignity. And then when I came to work on my own little garden on my balcony I felt almost nothing, no motivation. It ties up a bit with my eating struggle : I have phases where I want to cook so bad, but I have usually no appetite to eat what I cook, unless I am with someone. Once again, I am so grateful for my job that gave me the opportunity to coordinate a team of volunteer-gardeners, like it truly empowered to hopefully, start a guerilla gardening collectif or something (maybe next summer).
About the spiritual/esoteric, I won’t go in depth here, because it is such a reccurent theme in my life, it would deserve it’s own separated piece. But basically, I guess that if I don’t get elected, I should truly try to pursue ‘‘the esoteric activist life’’ more seriously, like I think (am convinced?) it is part of my calling.